My Moment of Zen

My Moment of Zen

This is something I wrote years ago (before I began dying my hair even *gasp*), that I have to keep reposting everywhere so that I can remind myself of who I am underneath all the stress and self-defeatism.

I read this page in a book about birthdays of the year making us all unique. My birthday is July 17th. It said that those born on this day strive for greatness and never feel complete unless we achieve it. I've never read something that so accurately describes who I am and what I want. Greatness: the ability to give to this world something so bright and blessed that I will never be forgotten.

Now, I can almost believe it will come true. Just now, as I sit in this lawn chair. It's past nine o' clock at night and I don't care. The night sky is perfect, but then it always is. An inky, blue blackness with white smears of clouds gliding past as if on a mobile. Painfully sharp points of lights we call stars and planets are here, but not as many as usual. It's still perfect to me.

Mike Oldfield plays in the CD player I dragged out onto the back porch. This is the first music I ever knew. Mom played it to me when I danced in her womb and in my cradle. Now it is the music that makes me feel closer to God. It is as if it is God's language. It is so beautiful that I long to be it. No longer just a poor, aimless mother of two without even a husband. I would be God's words. People would cry at my beauty.

The cool night breeze works like a salve to heal me from the burdensome heat of the day. It lifts my long, dark tresses like a flag. It makes my tired scalp sigh with pleasure. It massages my naked feet poking out of my favorite jeans. I breathe in the air and it intoxicates me.

I drink greedily from a plastic party cup. All it is is water, but it tastes like the sweetest wine to me. I lick my already wet lips. And when it dribbles down my chin, my neck, and into my cleavage; I just chuckle and steady myself.

I am all alone. I don't need to look good for anyone. Yet, I wonder if this is when I look my best. Because there are times, such as now, when I feel like an ancient Goddess. I feel so powerful, wise, sensual, creative, nurturing, free, and grounded.

I may never be thin again, but I'm loving every curve of me, right now. I feel like I'm the woman in the Moon. I love that. I remember a book I read as a child. It was a beautifully illustrated collection of easily read Greek myths. I must have read it twenty times, before the librarian threatened to fine me.

One of my favorites was about how Zeus fell in love with a beautiful woman named Io. To hide her from Hera, he turned her into a cow, but she was still so beautiful. I remember the picture and it was indeed a heavenly cow. Long, black eyelashes fringed large, bright eyes. She was creamy all over. So pale and so creamy.

Io is a moon of Jupiter's now. I guess Zeus and Io finally got together then, through the help of astronomy. It was this figure that reminds me of myself. My hair is almost black, but my skin is milky and smooth. I used to hate this, but now I love it. It's like I swallowed a star and now I'm glowing all over.

Yes, now I feel like anything is possible. Now, I feel at peace.

A Song I Once Wrote

You rule my heart like the moon rules the sea.
We're steadfast forces of tumult and peace.
Forever gazing at your silver glow,
My body's swaying an ebb and a flow.
You call me goddess and I worship you.
You call me flower and for you I grew.

You bring me peace. Yet, my heart pulls to you.
Lovers eternal since earth and sky knew.
My waves run deep and your dark side's hidden.
But, to your whole orb my depth's are bidden.
You call me goddess and I worship you.
You call me flower and for you I grew.

Jacksonville Tastecasting at The Bridge Waterfront Bistro

This is the first time I have written a Jacksonville Tastecasting post in this blog. I decided to bring all of my Tastecasting blogs over here from now on, since it is a much more personal and social subject than the other things I tend to write about. The best part about Jacksonville Tastecasting, aside from the delicious food, are the people in the Jacksonville Tastecasting team. I cannot write with an objective voice about something that was recently so convivial.

Chef Cakmis greeted our table and explained a few things about The Bridge Waterfront Bistro. First, none of their meat is bought frozen. It is always purchased fresh. The fish is fresh that day and is diver shot. None of us knew what that meant, so he explained it for us. Fish caught traditionally, that is in a net, struggle and stress out their muscles. So, they have a tougher consistency. Diver shot fish are shot via a sort of spear by a diver and die immediately. Their meat is more tender. That sounds like bologna, but I promise you can taste the difference. Chef Cakmis works at the restaurant every single hour it is open and oversees everything. He will not allow any ingredient to be compromised. Lastly, we were given a special early evening menu to look over. It provides several pre fixe meals including the Mojo Marinated Roast Pork with rice and beans and fried plantains, and Grilled Salmon. These meals come with a glass of house wine, salad, and dessert for only $19.95. You can also opt out of the wine and dessert and only pay $14.95. How they plan on not going bankrupt at those prices, I do not know. I also do not care. I like gourmet food for incredible prices. I like it a lot.


Our appetizers were the Avocado and Lump Crabmeat Salad, Crawfish Spring Rolls, and the Fired Oyster BLT salad. Then we were treated to the Cajun Bayou Gumbo, which was simply incredible. It was hearty, not too spicy, and definitely gumbo. Having previously lived in New Orleans, I know what good gumbo tastes like and this was good gumbo. The fish in it depends on what Chef Cakmis believes to be their best choice that day. On this particular day, the fish was salmon. I was very impressed. The salmon got to be salmon, and was not overwhelmed by the flavor of the gumbo. We got the $6 cup and I could not even finish it. It was so satisfying and filling that it could have easily sufficed as an entire meal on its own.




Our entrees were superb. First there were the Citrus Scallops. They were pan seared and topped with a grapefruit-orange buerre Blanc and served with sauteed spinach. It did not overwhelm the pallet like citrus can sometimes do. Instead the citrus was a steady hint and the scallops were tender.




Then there was the Grouper Eleni, which had a pleasant earthy taste to it that was nicely complimented by mushrooms.




Next there was the Athena Chicken Pasta with sauteed artichoke hearts and sun dried tomatoes. There was a tangy taste to the pasta from a lemon sauce.




Then we had the Snapper New Orleans. Generally, this is the Grouper New Orleans, but customers can choose to substitute any fish they want in this meal. Since we already had a grouper dish, Chef Cakmis felt we would appreciate red snapper in this dish instead. For many of the Jacksonville Tastecasting team, this was their favorite entree. The snapper was juicy and flavorful. I can still taste it and I find myself wanting to say "succulent" every time I think of it.




Lastly, there were the Greek Lamb Chops. These were my personal favorite. Chef Cakmis is Greek and Greeks seem to be born knowing just what to do with lamb. I usually come up with my own words to describe dishes, but I am just going to steal fellow Jacksonville Tastecaster Jodi Kasten's instead because they were so dead on. The Greek Lamb Chops were "perfect" and "smack your mama good." They came with mashed potatoes that harmonized so beautifully with it that I had to mention them here as well. Just thinking of these lamb chops is tempting me to drive all the way over to Ponte Vedra right now and get some more.




Following our entrees was dessert. We were so completely stuffed from tasting everything so far, we wanted to turn it down. I am so glad we had the Bread Pudding, however. I know I have waxed on about the bread pudding from b.b.'s before. I may or may not have proposed to it. I do not remember clearly, my mind having been befuddled by infatuation. However, this bread pudding is a whole other animal. It is soaked in a Jack Daniels sauce and topped with pecans. "Decadent" seems like a trite term, but eating it really did make me feel like there was some real sinning going on with my taste buds. A veritable Mardi Gras was happening in my mouth. So, maybe I can marry the bread pudding from b.b.'s and keep the bread pudding from The Bridge Waterfront Bistro as a mistress.

Often, I will eat somewhere because it is decent and convenient. Though I do not live near The Bridge Waterfront Bistro, I would have no problem driving those extra miles for a nice dinner here. The atmosphere is wonderful, the food is amazing, the customer service is excellent, and the servings could satisfy a lumberjack. I am so grateful to The Bridge Waterfront Bistro for allowing us to come taste their treasures.

Google Analytics! Song

To the tune of "Gary, Indiana" from The Music Man.

Google Analytics!
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Let me say it once again!

Google Analytics!
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Tracks the how, the where, the when!

If you’d like to have a logical explanation,
How I happened on the elegant syncopation,
I will say without a moment of hesitation
There is just one site that gives me feedback right!
Google Analytics!
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Not TinyURL, Ow.Ly, Bit.Ly, Is.Gd, Yahoo, or Bing!
But, Google Analytics!
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Can make me sing!

Check out my other blog!

I started another blog on here as a separate project called "I Think I'm Learning Japanese." It's basically going to document my attempt to learn Japanese with a book called Japanese In 10 Minutes A Day. You can find it on my blogspot profile page. I hope you'll follow that one as you have this one. :)

FYI

Next Tuesday, I'm going under the knife. Because of the surgery, I'm going to be MIA for a while...probably (hopefully) passed out on pain meds for a few days at least. Not allowed to go back to WORK work for two weeks, but I will be able to work from my laptop sometime late next week.

SO...

That means there will be little going on with my personal twitter account @roaring_tulips or my paying gig @GatorOfficeFurn. I have been helping out Don of @Tshirtbordello heavily recently, since his job has become very demanding lately. So, I apologize for the lack of communication there will be from those three accounts for a few days next week (Twitter centuries I'm sure) and hope you will not forget about any of them.

Also, next week's surgery means around 6 weeks of very little fun for me. I can't lift more than ten pounds or party or have "alone time" with my beloved. So, if you've ever wanted to party with me, do it now...I want to get it out of my system so I won't miss it so much in August. You can DM me.

My Summer of Change

A few weeks ago, I proudly announced to the Universe and all in it that my summer of change had begun. I had earned it over the previous few months. I had very successfully put in another semester towards getting my degree in graphic design, lost 20 lbs., gotten my autistic daughter through her year of regular ed Kindergarten, and reached some level of merit in the workplace. Since my job can only afford to pay me part time, however, I knew I would not be able to afford summer camp. This is why I was overjoyed to learn that they would pay me to work from home! At that moment, I promised myself that this summer would be all about some self improvement and fun!


The summer of change was going to be a little work here or there, a lot of outdoor activities, free summer movies, trips to the library, lots of sewing and experimenting in the kitchen, changing my diet for the better, getting my children into a better schedule to prepare for the school year, and (of course) writing the great American novel or at least some really interesting blogs. A month has passed and mostly my experience has been getting sick twice, actually managing to do more work from home than at the office, doing more housework, discovering how little I like vegetarian foods, avoiding the heat outside at all costs, and constantly having to hassle my kids so that I can work. Oh, where, oh where has my summer of change gone?

At least the house is tidier. But, still, I feel like I've really let myself down. So, I am now vowing that at least one day a week, I'm going to stop worrying about all my mundane duties. I will bring out my sewing gear if I feel like it because I didn't spend $200 on fabric for nothing, take my kids to the library because we all like reading, buy myself a grill for my birthday because grilled meat (Thank you, GOD for meat!) is healthy too, enjoy the heck out of this new EA Active game I got because playing sports in the AC is preferable to slaving in the heat, and slack up on my kids a whole lot because they deserve to have fun in the summer even if I'm glued to my computer.



If I lose the extra 20 lbs I was hoping to, that's great! If not, at least I had fun trying. If all the outfits I had planned to create for my girls are ready for the school year, well that would be true bragging rights at PTA. If not, it will still be fun making a few and watching them try them on. The point of this summer wasn't to become perfect, it was to improve my life. Right now, my life needs a lot less in goals and a lot more in "enjoying the now."

And, yes, I totally did just use this blog as an excuse to show off adorable pics of my kids. :)